This week starts of with a sweet and smile-inducing opening. Steve is frustrated that he’s only halfway through the “A” artifacts, and still hasn’t found any clue that will help him get off the metronome. Artie reassures him that they will find a way, and tells him he should the enlist the aid of a girl “with a bit of punk rock flair, maybe with a bit of goth.” OMG, you mean …
Oh wait, he’s talking about Claudia. Steve reminds him that if Claudia finds out that he’s trying to disconnect himself from the metronome, she’ll just try to stop him. Besides, their relationship has been awkward and uncomfortable since she felt his prick, and he’s been trying to gather the courage to broach the subject.
What happens in the Warehouse … stays in the Warehouse.
Artie is a bit preoccupied, though. He’s on his way to meet Vanessa (Lindsay Wagner), and he’s going to take the next step in their relationship and ask her to move in with him. This elicits some funny and loving jabs from the gang, and it’s a reminder of what a warm and real family unit these characters have become. Artie bids the gang farewell, and … we plunge headfirst down the rabbit hole.
“Don’t be yourself!”
*Actual Claudia quote
This episode continues the “Undoing-Artie’s-Life-Work” arc, as we visit a church thrift store and meet the timid, demure shopgirl Kristin. Well, until she visit’s the storeroom and discovers their newest acquisition, a full length mirror, which also happens to be this week’s artifact.
The mirror houses an entity that can only be described as “Orphan” crossed with “Kristin Stewart at 3 A.M.” It possesses her body and turns her from innocent to slutty, and she cold cocks the shop owner, then takes off speeding down the street, where her car is hit by a truck as she tries to release her décolletage. Or as it’s commonly known, “Lindsay Lohan on her way to work.” Zing!
“I have to stop doing my makeup in the car.”
“Do you remember touching something that perhaps you shouldn’t have touched?”
*Actual Myka quote
Pete and Myka visit the restrained Kristin in the hospital, where she cyptically already knows their names, and repeatedly comes on to Pete. learning this is atypical behavior (as irresistible as Pete is), they investigate the thrift shop, and a trail of blood and broken glass leads them to the shattered mirror … which to their astonishment and horror turn out to be Lewis Carroll’s Looking Glass.
They first tangled with the artifact way back on the second episode of Season One, when thanks to Pete’s clumsiness and the Studio 54 Disco Ball, Myka was trapped inside the mirror as the murderous urchin Alice Liddell possessed her body.
They’ve never been able to figure out how exactly how the mirror worked, but Pete was able to use it to brush up on his ping pong.
“Hmm … now how did that girl in Tijuana do it?”
Upset and confused how a deadly artifact they banished to the Dark Vault years ago can suddenly turn up again, they realize that Kristin isn’t really Kristin, and that Alice has taken over her body. They rush back to the hospital, but are too late, as Alice has duped a rube orderly and made her escape. What’s worse, when they find Kristin dazed in the parking lot, they discover that Alice has gained the ability to jump from body to body using a shard from the broken mirror. The hunt is on, made all the more difficult with the fact that Alice can now be practically anyone.
“The bump on my head? Well, I was riding in this turnip truck yesterday, and …”
While Pete and Myka try to snare Alice, Steve and Claudia are tasked with trying to find an artifact that can help capture and contain her, now that the mirror has shattered. Claudia is just relieved to get some kind of action, as Steve has grounded their partnership to the Warehouse for fear of stubbing his toe or accidental painful gas. Claudia is suspicious, but Steve covers with one of his adorable smiles.
The duo head to the Dark Vault, where only the most dangerous and infamous artifacts are kept, i.e. Sylvia Plath’s typewriter and Mitt Romney’s dog cage. Claudia discovers one of Brother Adrian’s black diamond calling cards where the mirror used to be, and is stunned when Steve tells her the backstory of artifacts missing from the Warehouse, and someone trying to undo Artie’s life work (something that Artie had promised Steve he would tell everyone).
Claudia vows to put her investigatory skills to use to find out what’s been happening, and Leena offers to help out with capturing “Little Miss Cray-Cray,” by finding something in the “trap” section of the Warehouse (I love that they have special sections for everything imaginable). As they’re leaving, the show gives us the best sight gag of the season, as Steve’s eyes widen and he whispers “Oh My God!” when he comes across THE GAY HOLY GRAIL, which for some reason is stored in the Warehouse 13 Dark Vault.
The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been The Gay Gasp. Hmm … but maybe that’s what triggers it.
“We just met … and I am crazy. So here’s a big knife … I’ll kill you maybe.”
Artie is having a sweaty-palmed dinner date with the faboo Vanessa, and is trying to work up the courage to ask her to take their relationship to the next level. Unfortunately, he gets a call from Pete telling him that Alice has escaped from the mirror, and is now jumping bodies. The victim of the last jump told them that she was trying to make her way toward something called “L’Etoile,” which Artie is familiar with … because it’s the restaurant he and Vanessa are at! He looks up and sees that the cute pixie server has a deranged look in her eyes, and when he looks down, he notices that her reflection in the serving tray … is Alice.
Artie grabs Vanessa’s hand and escapes while Alice goes berserk, and they meet up with Pete and Myka and try to figure out what Alice’s next step is going to be. It’s clear that her goal is not simply to escape the mirror, but she’s on the hunt for something. Artie comes to the horrible realization that Alice is hunting … him.
Back at the Warehouse, Leena, Steve, and Claudia come to the conclusion that the best way to trap Alice is to use the hookah artifact that was the basis for the stoner caterpillar in the Wonderland story. There’s just one catch … the hookah is on top of a mountain of uninventoried artifacts, and it doesn’t look too steady.
“Careful Claudia! Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey could be lying in wait.”
Claudia makes the treacherous ascent, but as she’s about to nab it, the mountain starts to crumble, sending what looks a little like Ben Franklin’s Lightning Rod down on Steve, narrowly missing him, but hitting him with a jolt of electricity. Leena (who can sense auras), sees Steve and Claudia’s aura switch bodies numerous times, which is something she’s only seen happen once before, “and it didn’t end well.” She wants to know what the hell is going on with him and Claudia, but he brushes it off.
The gang assemble to figure out a way to stop Alice, and decide to set up an ambush at a hotel, and try to lure her in by dangling Artie in front of her. Artie gives everyone pocket mirrors to use to tell who is or isn’t Alice, and he tells Claudia to watch the side entrance, Pete and Myka the mezzanine, and he tells Steve to cover the back door. Really, Artie?
He orders Vanessa out of there, but she refuses, telling him that she knows how to take care of herself, and he needs her help. In the second best sight gag of the episode, Artie gives her the last pocket mirror, which she returns with an eye-roll and an exasperated, “Artie, this is a peppermint patty.”
“What do you mean you signed us up for skydiving lessons!”
Oh come on, you knew I had to go there.
The plan goes off without a hitch. Well, except for the fact that Alice abducts Vanessa and takes over her body. That’s when Artie realizes that Alice’s target was not him, but Vanessa, and this was all set up by the Brothers. They’re still punishing Artie for not undoing the astrolabe, and intend to kill her to send him a message.
It all comes to a head when Vanessa is knocked out by Artie, and Alice manages to escape and enter Claudia’s body. She destroys the hookah, and grabs the shard and advances on Artie, who has a flashback to his recurring dream about Claudia stabbing him with a dagger. Just as Claudia is about to fulfill that vision, Steve steps in front of Artie and takes the hit. Steve starts bleeding from the shoulder, but it’s Claudia who feels the cut, and she recoils in horror and pain. Steve sees his chance, and she tells Myka to hold Claudia while he holds up the shard and the Tesla gun, and blasts Alice back into the shard. He and Myka bag it, putting and end to Alice’s reign of terror.
“Get out of my friend, you bitch!”
* Actual Steve Quote
A typical Warehouse Saturday night
With Alice gone, it’s time to tie up the loose ends. Artie tells Vanessa that for her safety, they can’t see each other anymore. She’s upset, but he’s adamant. She tells him that when he does get everything figured out, she’ll be there for him.
Claudia and Steve discuss the metronome situation. He insists on finding a way to release himself, no matter what it might do to him. Claudia is angry at first that he didn’t tell her about the whole pain-switch-downside thing, then tells him that if he’s really hellbent on removing himself, they’ll find a way to do it together.
Claudia, Steve, Myka and Pete meet and they finally all get up to speed on the black diamonds, and the artifact removal, and someone trying to undo Artie’s life work. But they still don’t know why Artie has kept it secret. Is there some way they can find out?
Luckily there is. As Artie walks around the Dark Vault cursing the Brothers, he unlatches the hiding place, and makes sure the astrolabe is still safe. As he walks out, Leena emerges from the shadows, having observed Artie’s secret.
So now everyone knows about the metronome downside, and they know that someone is trying to undo Artie’s life work. Where do we go from here? And what did you think of this week’s episode?
Here’s your Question Of the Week: What do you think the Artifact Ruby Slippers do? And what do you think the downside might be? I think they allow the wearer teleportation powers … but the downside is that every time you use them, a munchkin hangs himself.
And here are this week’s Pete Faces.