Well, here’s good/bad/unnerving news. Sex and the City creator Michael Patrick King says there may be “one chapter left to tell” in the saga of Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbes, Charlotte The Worst, and SaPUNtha Jones. What would the third cinematic foray into Sex and the City entail? Not sure, but I do think that a significant storyline featuring Stanford Blatch and Anthony Marantino, the show’s two featured (and now married) gays, is in order. Here are five suggestions we have for their story arc.
5. Charlotte is convinced she can sell her own art to idiotic gay people, and she recruits Stanford and Anthony to be her new models. She tells them to undress and seats them in giant flower pots, and just as Stanford mutters, “More like Anne GAY-ddes!” Charlotte bursts into tears. “That was supposed to be my pun!” she cries, and her “clever” business opportunity is ruined.
4. Stanford and Anthony decide to try a throuple, but who should they hook up with? Sick of the usual gays, they’re in luck when they run into Charlotte’s ex Trey McDougal, who still has no self-esteem and is willing to do anything for friends. They enter a fantastic relationship with him, and Bunny McDougal remains flawless.
3. Carrie donates an egg to the prospective fathers, but in a tremendous freezer mishap, Stanford and Anthony end up using one of Miranda’s eggs instead. “Jesus, could this kid get gayer?” Anthony opines. Miranda screams about nothing for what seems like the whole movie, but all is forgiven when the baby wears its first Hugo Boss blazer at two months old.
2. Stanford and Anthony spend all 150 minutes of the movie trying to drag Liza Minnelli out of their reception space where she’s been performing “Single Ladies” nonstop for the past four years. “She’s indefatigable!” Stanford muses. “If we don’t get her outta here soon, I’ll be the one turning into a sterile cuckoo!” Anthony squawks. Liza giggles and smacks her own ass as tasers fail to slow her.
1. For the love of God, they divorce. They never had anything in common, and their union is preposterous.