There are three sure things in life: death, taxes, and the absurdity of celebrity baby names: From Pilot Inspektor and Apple Martin to Blue Ivy and North West, children of the stars have consistently been called things that any reasonable human being would never want on the top of a resume.
The implication, of course, is that the offspring of the rich and famous will never need to do something as pedestrian as apply for a job, so it hardly matters if we name them Blanket (Michael Jackson’s son) or Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone’s daughter) or Kal-El (Nicholas Cage’s kid).
But we’re not here to get into name-calling: We’re here to poke fun at the big shots and guess what preggers A-Listers like Fergie, Princess Kate, Rachel Zoe, Jessica Simpson will name their offspring. In that spirit, here’s the Baby On Board Celeb-Naming Dart Board Overlay.
Print it out and give it a try next time you’re pregnant.
Though royal obligations are likely to steer Princess Kate toward a more conventional selection, we went ahead and threw a few test darts to see what she might name the newest royal if she were feeling particularly adventurous. How would you feel about calling the future prince Purplex Quinn, or Euphemia Stapler, or Obleek Koda? So much more exciting than John or James.
NOTE: You may need to re-throw one or more darts if the first and middle name turn out to be the same. For instance, pairing “the item closest to you” and “place the child was conceived” might force you to name the kid Treadmill Treadmill, which is clearly insane even by celebrity standards.