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Why I'll Never Watch "Drag Race" Again

[caption id="attachment_185684" align="aligncenter" width="589"]ausiello 2 Michael and Kit[/caption]

Many of you know Michael Ausiello as one of the most insider-y entertainment journalists there is. First as the go-to guy at TV Guide and now as the founder and editor-in-chief of TVLine.com, he always has the scoop on all our favorite stars and shows.

But the past year has been an unbearably hard one for Michael: On February 5, his husband, Kit Cowan, passed away after a hard-fought battle against cancer.

Throughout their struggle, Michael shared details—the good and the bad—with friends on Facebook. Sometimes it would be an update on Kit's status, other times, just a remembrance of some crazy thing they had done in simpler times.

Yesterday, shortly before the premiere of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 7, Michael shared another personal moment—one that ensures we'll never look at Drag Race the same way:

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 3.54.17 PMOne of the many heartbreaking aspects of Kit's yearlong cancer battle involved our mutual TV obsessions. There wasn't a ton of overlap when it came to our favorite shows, but there were a handful of programs we really enjoyed watching together.

Examples included House of Cards, The Walking Dead and, right at the very top of that list, RuPaul's Drag Race.

On those Mondays when Drag Race was on, we would text and IM each other funny little reminders to keep that night's schedule clear for our date with Ru. We LOVED Drag Race Mondays. I mostly loved how happy — and animated — it made Kit. I got more of a kick out of watching HIM watch the show than the show itself, to be honest. 

The timing of Season 6 proved somewhat fortuitous – many of the episodes aired while Kit was going through chemo last spring. It was the perfect morale booster for both of us. But there was also an added layer of sadness, knowing the probability was high that he would not be around to see a seventh season.

My fears were all but confirmed in early January when Kit's condition started to deteriorate. It didn't look like he'd make it to February, much less March 2 when Drag Race was set to return. So I reached out to my friends at Logo and asked if they could sneak me an advance copy of the Season 7 premiere—and they graciously obliged.

I surprised Kit with the screener in late January and we watched it together on my laptop at the end of one of his more lucid days. The fog of cancer and morphine dampened some of his enthusiasm, but he did crack a smile here and there. He also applauded one of Ru's trademark sex puns during the runway show at the end of the episode. It was pretty damn special.

Today has nonetheless been rough. Everywhere I turn there's some kind of promotion for tonight's official premiere, and each commercial, or preview story or TV appearance by Ru feels like a punch in the gut. I can't imagine ever watching Drag Race again.

The Season 7 premiere was Kit's last episode, and it feels right that it should be mine too.

It also feels right to share this picture of me gnawing Kit's ear, mostly because he looks so damn adorable. I look pretty cute too.

Thank you for sharing your story, Michael. And you both look adorable.

Watch Michael's loving video tribute to Kit on TVLine, and please consider donating to the scholarship he created in Kit's name.

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