LANGFORD'S PICKS AND PANS

A Place To Call Home (Australia)

Honestly, the whole "Rene dies as George and Regina get married" was kind of boring because it was so predictable.

The show has been telegraphing it for weeks now, just like they’ve been very heavy handed about George’s drug addiction. I mean, soaps by their nature tend to be predictable, especially when you’ve watched them as long as I have.

The trick is to make it compelling despite that and I think APTCH failed on that score.

Maybe the fallout will be more interesting.

Then again, the teases that Regina murdered her first husband, combined with the hints that she was the one who actually shot George after her dumped her before and George’s drug addiction have me thinking she’s going to try and kill him again when he wants to dump her for Sarah when he learns that Rene has died. After all the season finale is coming up.

Oh well.

I was sad to see Rene die though as much as I expected it. I liked the character and the fact that I found him crazy hot helped.

Gino and Anna are so boring. I can barely stomach his overbearing macho attitude. Anna deserves better. I wish she’d find the strength she had before marrying this loser and move on.

So... what is going on with Henry and James? We know Henry proposed a secret love affair and James was tempted, but please don’t tell me they’ve been sleeping together all this time? That would be a poor plot choice and also go against this show’s notion of how unfair life was for gays back then by blatantly treating them unfairly and keeping romantic stuff off screen.

I’m just curious about their status because of James telling Olivia that they were going to be leading separate lives going forward and he would be going to Sydney regularly.

Why would he be going to Sydney if not to see Henry or is this all leading to James’ decision to take Henry’s offer? Let’s hope we get to the deal on that soon.

I admit though I feel badly for Olivia: She fell in love with a guy who used her, made promises, reigned on all of them and then moves on to do what he wants to do. James might be a troubled gay, but it doesn’t mean he can’t be a selfish, self-absorbed asshole, too.

Cuffs (U.K.)

I’m surprised that the UK police catch any criminals with all the regulations they follow: They don’t carry guns. They don’t have the authority to pursue a motorbike, apparently, and they can only drive the speed limit. What kind of madness is that? I always think about how a U.S. cop show would’ve handled those scenes.

It was funny that Lino didn’t know who the Keystone Cops were. But it’s hardly his and Donna’s fault the robbers got away since they weren’t actually allowed to pursue the criminals.

I don’t blame Ryan for being pissed at Jake. Partying all night and showing up for work trashed? I wonder if the romantic story about Jake and Simon is really about what a bad influence Simon is for Jake.

The domestic violence storyline was predictable—you knew she’d go back to her abusive husband in the end. But was that the whole story or will the show pick up on it again? (Perhaps after he’s killed her?)

Emmerdale (U.K.)

I’m still wondering what the whole point of this Lawrence/Bernice storyline is. I mean given that we now know that his first marriage was sexless and he’s proposing the same thing to Bernice, then he’s obviously a closet case.

Unless it’s ultimately that Lawrence accepts that he’s gay, then what is this about?

Way too many of this show’s story lines revolve around who Mommy and Daddy loved the most. Pete/Ross and Andy/Robert are killing folks and trying to kill each other over this mess. It’s silly to hear grown men always whining about their childhoods. I suggest a good shrink.

I guess it’s resolved, for now, but certainly Robert isn’t going to give up trying to find out who Andy was working with and in that village it wouldn’t be too hard for him to put the whole thing together. I’d like for Robert to learn the truth, if only because I’m tired of Ross getting away with everything.

There’s Finn, still with no story or love life.

Holby City (U.K.)

Aw! Too bad Sascha didn’t get the job. But Lee is super cute. He’s one hot cancer patient. I guess since Dom is being so mean and nasty to him, it must be love.

Hollyoaks(U.K.)

Wow, they mentioned Phoebe in the wake of Trevor getting arrested for the serial murders. Well, Theresa is right. Phoebe would have told JP to defend himself. She also would have told him to stop protecting people who don’t deserve it.

Harry’s not coming forth with the truth, letting it drag out for weeks and watching JP’s career being destroyed is disgusting. But JP’s refusal to tell the whole story is ridiculous.

JP might want to be a ‘good’ person because he doesn’t want to out Harry, but he comes across as stupid to me.

Honestly, this whole story arc made me angry and I found myself shouting at all these foolish and selfish people. And where the hell was Ste during all of this? He is married to John Paul still. Shouldn’t he be telling his version of what happened to save his husband, even if they are no longer together?

It's odd that he was off camera during this important arc.

Tony’s blistering tirade about Harry being a liar and cowards was perfect and on point, though I would have said a lot more. But did Tony apologize to JP for calling him a pedofile and a pervert? If he did, and it was warranted, I must’ve missed those scenes.

And later, why does John Paul give a damn about how Ste treats Harry and their relationship after everything they’ve done to him? Argh! I have to say though it was totally out of line for JP to go running to Tony about Ste’s health status.

And why does JP do that when he wouldn’t tell the truth to protect himself and his career earlier in the week? Baffling.

But Tony was clearly hoping that Ste and Harry would break up after Ste’s news and he got what he wanted. It won’t last and I’m sure Harry and Ste will reunite, but I don’t mind Tony playing the interfering parent.

I wouldn’t want my kid dating a trainwreck like Ste.

When did Cleo find out Harry was gay and in love with Ste? It wasn’t that long ago that she and Harry were dating and sleeping together. I just feel like that reveal, while it was a small one, is a missed beat, just like Harry’s other friends finding out. We’ve should have seen that played.

The service for Gabriel was sad and the acting has been very good. I’m just wondering where this story goes from here. This show’s usual style is to forget what happened by next week. I hope they don’t do that here. Though Joe has yet to be told that the baby was his after all so there’s still that.

And while it’s nice that Myra is back, I just couldn’t help but wonder where the hell she was during all the other deaths and tragedies over the past year.

How To Get Away With Murder (U.S.)

Yay, Oliver lives! Actually, he was never really in any danger, which I’m glad about. Other than that, I don’t remember a lot of the episode from last week. I did like the sex montage, but mostly because the gays didn’t get the short shrift unlike some shows I could mention (yes, I mean you, Quantico). I’d forgotten how incredibly ripped Nate was. I’m glad the show was kind enough to remind me. I do have a problem with sex being all Caleb needed to turn on his sister. I mean, she is his sister. Unless it’s a setup and another twist to the story. Maybe it’s not just her and Philip working together, but Caleb is involved as well. Hmm...

Nashville (U.S.)

See, if I didn’t know any better with broken hearted Will and Avery staying together in the house and the show making a point of saying Gunnar would be away for awhile, I’d swear these boys were headed for a fling. Of course it’s not going happen given that Avery isn’t gay/bi, but it would give him something to do until his wife comes back other than cry (which he does very well, BTW). And the thing is, they’ve both done worse. LOL....

I missed the episode where Kevin dumped Will, but I assume Kevin got tired of Will’s on going coming out issues. I can understand that, I guess, but seems to me they got through the hard part and Kevin gave up when he should have stuck it out if he really loved Will like he says. Oh well, if Kevin’s not coming back I’d like to see a new guy for Will. Maybe Rayna will hire him to work for her and he’ll find a new man like that?

Neighbours (Australia)

So all these threats to Paul turned out to be threats to Aaron over a minor plot point from weeks ago? The only thing worse than telling a dumb ass story is to keep it going long after it should have been dead and buried.

Besides, why send the threat to Aaron at Paul’s? Aaron doesn’t even live there! Or at least he didn’t.

And for Aaron to keep duping Paul for truly contrived reasons (not to mention Sheila’s role in this dreck) makes it more painful. Make it stop! Awful, awful storyline. I can’t wait for Paul to find out the truth not just so it’ll put an end to the trash, but so Aaron can get what he deserves for being a duplicitous loser.

Maybe Aaron and Nate should look at their own relationship before teasing Paige and Mark about the romance being gone out of hers and Mark. I haven’t seen much romance in their coupling, not even when they are being ‘romantic’.

London Spy (U.K.)

London Spy isn’t exactly a soap opera but hey, we’ve blurred the lines here in LOS before so I’m gonna do it again. Besides, I thought the show was awesome, so why not share?

When I watch shows like this, I often wonder why we can’t get the US networks to do anything like it. Of course there’s lots of reasons why, mostly that the whole gay thing would send them running, even if it’s not a gay show per se.

It’s really about a couple who meet, fall in love, and one of them turns out to be not who they claimed. We’ve seen that story a thousand times before so, in that sense, London Spy isn’t that all original.

But because it’s about two guys and their love story isn’t treated shameful or the romantic stuff doesn’t take place off camera that’s what makes it attention getting.

It helps that the acting is terrific, the cinematography is on point and the writing is sharp and creates just the right balance of mystery, intrigue and romance.

It does move kind of slowly in the first part, but that didn’t bother me. It only sets up the mood and the story. I suspect it’ll pick up and we’ll get lots of action as the series moves on. I have to admit though while I found Alex kind of interesting (even if the actor seemed a bit wooden to me), I’m more into the mystery being solved than Alex and Danny getting a happy ending. If that happens I’m okay with that. But if it doesn’t, I’m okay with that too... as long as the story stays compelling and interesting.

River City (Scotland)

Remember I said last week that Robbie and Angel would ultimately start working together? See, I was right. Sure it’s temporary, but no doubt she’ll be Robbie’s new partner/BFF now that Hayley is long gone and Kelley-Marie is married to the mob.

All I know is, this dull stuff makes me really miss Will.

THIS WEEK IN SPOILERS

Cuffs - The team gets involved in a drugs stakeout and the pursuit of a gang performing dangerous home invasions and Jake suffers an injury during the chase. Later, things turn personal and Jake questions his relationship with Simon. And after his mother collapses from her cancer, Jake discovers his father’s sleazy affair with Jo.

EastEnders - Paul is upset to learn that his grandfather is planning on moving out permanently...

Emmerdale - Aaron is out of jail and trying to move on with his life. Face to face with Robert, who wonders how Aaron feels about him, Aaron makes it clear that he still hates Robert and wants nothing to do with him. Robert is hurt and disappointed. Aaron is worried about Chas’ mental state, though she insists everything is fine. And Aaron picks up on the strange vibes in Paddy and Rhona’s marriage.

Hollyoaks - Cleo is upset about Pete’s plans to marry her mother, not to mention that he’s grooming another teenage girl, Jade. She confronts him and Harry overhears the conversation revealing their affair. Horrified, Harry races to Pete and Rennie’s wedding and reveals that Pete is in fact a pedofile and has been sleeping with Cleo for months. No one believes it, except for Porsche, one of Pete’s previous victims. Will Pete finally pay for his crimes?

Holby City - Dom wonders if he and Lee might have a future....

Neighbours - After confessing his sins to Paul, Aaron is blackmailed by Paul into going along with Paul’s scheme to drive Stephanie insane. But how far is Aaron willing to go to save himself?

TEASERS FOR NEXT WEEK

Cuffs - A dangerous situation has Jake wondering if he’s up for the realities of the job...

Emmerdale - Aaron works to cover up Chas’ crime, Robert and Andy band together for revenge, Lawrence has a startling proposal for Bernice...

Holby City - Dom’s feelings for Lee deepen as he struggles to figure out what Lee is hiding...

That’s it for this edition of Langford On Soaps. Please share your comments on the thoughts and opinions expressed in this week's column below. See you next week!