Love, as we all know, is a scam. It's just a convenient way for someone to slither their way into your life and your home, steal your friends, ruin your finances, turn your parents against you, and if it gets that far, trap you for the literal rest of your life. God forbid you give the "love of your life" the right to pull the plug. So what's the point? What's it all about, Alfre Woodard?

Exactly.

But every once in a while, someone makes me believe in love again. That someone is usually out of my bed by the following morning, but this time it's Portland, Oregon's Michael James Schneider. You may remember him as the love-drunk or just plain drunk gay who built a boyfriend out of boxed wine.

Well after months of boozy bliss, Michael and his "man" Franz have decided to tie the knot. In an interview lush with wine puns, Schneider described how his romance came to a bubbling head.

“I was so surprised to be engaged, but really we’re in a place where we’re ready for the next step," Schneider told PinkNews. “Everything happens for a Riesling.” Not for you? Try this one on for size: "In any case, we have a rosé future ahead of us.” And if that's not your cup of Shiraz, sip on this: “But we knew we wanted it to happen naturally, organically. As the song goes, ‘que Syrah Syrah, whatever will be, will be.'”

As a lover of cheap boxed wine and even cheaper puns, I'm already scheming to make this a throuple. But Michael and Franz already have their fair share of detractors for their non-traditional union: “What’s really annoying is when strangers come up to us in public and ask: ‘Which one’s the ‘man’ and which one’s the ‘person-shaped entity made of boxes of wine mysteriously brought to life?'”

To think, that's what Grimes goes through everyday of her life.

Schneider conceived his relationship, in part, as "a commentary on how relationships are presented on social media as these idealized unattainable things,” and hopes to turn their wedding into a fundraiser for the ACLU, open to his friends and family as well as "anyone who celebrates love."

Well, I guess that leaves me out. Now pardon me while I make a boyfriend out of empty tequila bottles. After emptying a few dozen tequila bottles. Down my throat. #LoveWines