This is why you’re hot: The 2010 “Cause You’re Hot” nominees
Shazam! This should be the easiest category to talk about yet. The “Cause You’re Hot” Award is all about the sexiest among us, and you guys, the six hotties up for this year’s award are already burning up this html coding. VOTE for who you think is the hottest (as if they need anymore reassurance) then cool down with, I don’t know, perhaps a refreshing Vitamin Water Zero (FYI – they’re totally sponsoring this award, so drink up!).
When it comes to serial SEXINESS these six contenders are all repeat offenders. From actors to athletes to models, let’s review this year’s batch. Feel free to write your own slash fiction in the comments, but the only medium though which I’m comfortable approaching these gods among men is that of some adoring love letters.
MEET THE 2010 “CAUSE YOU’RE HOT” NOMINEES
MATTHEW BOMER “White Collar”- USA Network
Somebody, Somebody, Somebody’s eyes, are REALLY BLUE
Dear Matt, your stunning blue eyes pierce love wounds into my lonely soul. Ever since you stumbled into my life on the tattered posters for “White Collar” scattered across midtown, I’ve known that we were meant to be together. With your dark, wavy locks and killer style, you sashay’d away with my heart over the first season of your flashy, sexy basic cable show. And remember that one time you played Bryce on Chuck? I do.
MORE HOTNESS AFTER THE JUMP…
SCOTT FUJITA “Linebacker, Cleveland Browns”
Scott Fujita, OVER HERE!!! I’m Open!! I’m Open!!
Dear Scott, I don’t really follow football, but I’d follow you anywhere. You’ve played football for the Dallas Cowboys, New Orleans Saints, and Cleveland Browns. That shows real versatility. I think it’s so cool that you were given your Japanese last name by your adoptive parents, and that you consider yourself “culturally Japanese.” I also think it’s awesome that you are a supporter of gay rights.
P.S. I was doing some research on you, and saw on your Wikipedia page says you’ve had 19 sacks in your career. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING.
I got 55 problems, but Scott Fujita’s goatee ain’t one
KELLAN LUTZ “The Twilight Saga”
A body any person as shallow as that water could appreciate…
Dear Kellan, Wow. What a journey. Your portrayal of the vampire, Emmett Cullen, has got to be one of the hottest depictions of an undead entity to hit the big screen since Elvira. I would start a mall riot in Long Island for you any day. Speaking of malls, remember when you were a smoking Abercrombie and Fitch model? Hot. My skanky friend Jenny disagrees with me, but I think your recent Calvin Klein X underwear ads are even hotter. Call me!
JESUS LUZ “DJ/Model”
Jesus Luz, you is finer than the pinstripes on yo suit
Dear Jesus, writing the first two sentences in this paragraph, kind of felt like I was about to start praying. But how else am I supposed to talk to a SEX GOD?? Your hot Brazilian abs haunt my waking dreams like that one Celine Dion music video with the motorcycle and all those candles. Would you ever consider DJing a party of 2? What if we split a Vitamin Water Zero? But seriously. This photo of you in Interview Magazine is something that would convince me to give away my first-born.
Who needs a kid anyway?
ZOE SALDANA “Avatar”
A body I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t mind having as their Avatar. Cute dress!!
Dear Zoe, Girl. Not that many people could pull off looking hot as a blue CGI alien, but I’ll be damned if you didn’t pull if off with flying colors. Flying colors mainly in the blue spectrum. But seriously, you’re out of this world, and often, quite literally. You were my favorite actress in Star Trek after Winona Ryder!
BETTY WHITE “Legendary TV Star”
“And this is where the magic happens” – Betty
Dear Betty, Let’s talk. If there’s anyone who’s been able to maintain their hotness over the years it’s you. You were a man-hungry homemaker on the Mary Tyler Moore show, a surprisingly sassy Golden Girl, and now, you’re Hot in Cleveland. I’m sure you’re receiving a lot more attention lately, now that your career is as hot as your dimples, but if you’d ever like to hang out with someone who knows his way around a Prince Orloff, let me know. I will be your friend AND your confidant.
So. Don’t forget to cool down a second with a nice Vitamin Water Zero, and VOTE for who you think deserves this year’s “Cause You’re Hot” award. But really, when you look this good, you’ve pretty much already won.