Your Week in Beefcake: Bomer Gets His "Freak" On and "Mysteries of Laura" Questions Strippers
After a slow week, the TV gods returned to offering plenty buff, uncovered male torsos. Your Week in Beefcake had the enviable task of chronicling the hotness.
The week started well with NBC's supernatural double-feature. Grimm continued to search for a wesen who could absorb the memories of people through his tentacles. In this case, Lawrence (Brian Letscher) was using his memory-absorbing powers to draw the secrets out of people with valuable information.
After attacking one target, Lawrence grabbed a hotel room and headed to the bathroom for a change of appearance before going after his next target.
Meanwhile, we also learned that hexenbiest and zauberbiest lives can be saved with their version of jumper cables when Renard (Sasha Roiz) was brought back from death by his mother. Thankfuly, that means we don't have to find out what Grimm is like without Roiz's talent and intense hotness.
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The second episode of Constantine continued to disappoint. (The TV version so far hasn't been worthy of the long running comic it is based on). The problem of the week was bland and, worse, added racism to the drama's offenses. Still, it did involve a haunted coal mine, which meant a little investigating made John (Matt Ryan) dirty enough to go back to his room for a change.
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I'm still rooting for Constantine, I want it to become a worthy adaptation of the Hellblazer comics (which includes taking more than eight years to acknowledge John's bisexuality). That episode tested my optimism.
John wasn't the only bit of shirtlessness in Constantine's second episode. John and Zed caught a couple hooking up in the town's old church.
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Monday, Jane the Virgin started with Jane having unwelcome sex dreams about her boss, Rafael (Justin Baldoni). The episode ended with another sex dream, but there was a twist when the dreamer woke up:
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This season's most under-recognized gem was the romantic comedy Selfie. A Pygmalion retelling, the show sparkled when it acknowledged that both of the leads have a lot of growing to do. Eliza has the more obvious problems, with her social media addiction, but Henry is a workaholic who struggles to connect with people on a personal level and generally can't let loose.
However, this week, Henry attended a weekend at his boss' compound and was frustrated by all the spontaneous activities inspired by Eliza. Finally, Henry (John Cho) let loose as he ran into the lake naked, which was covered up by a giant emoji.
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Meanwhile, Max Greenfield lost his shirt on New Girl for the first time this season. Jess tried to flush what she thought was meth down the toilet. Since the "meth" turned out to be aquarium rocks, she just managed to flood the bathroom. Schmidt contributed his shirt to the cleanup effort.
The Exes kicked off its fourth season with Haskell and Nicki starting out a relationship. Nicki wanted to take things slow, but the arrival of actor Steve (Brandon Routh) complicated things. Steve needed a couch to sleep on before auditioning for an underwear commercial. To further tempt Nicki, Steve wanted to run lines in costume.
On Mysteries of Laura a dead body was found at a party bus, prompting Laura to retrace the bus' previous stops. Thankfully the wild night included a stop at a strip club.
Laura declared it "The Village People 2.0"
She was still very willing to give the place a thorough search.
It wasn't long until a cocktail waiter (James Brown III) remembered the victim for her unusual drink order of Chartreuse and tonic.
Laura bought herself a lap dance from "Captain Silver" (Dan Puck), a dancer wearing the remaining bits of a police officer costume to question him.
Fortunately, Captain Silver and a bus boy named Lyle (Edvin Ortega) had the kind of panic and retreat that always tells TV cops who to question.
I guess running from the a law enforcement officer like Laura means you get questioned in handcuffs.
Fans of Matt Bomer approached the week with mixed emotions. White Collar returned with new episodes, but it was beginning of the series' final six chapters. Bomer also made his American Horror Story debut playing Andy, a gay dance hall hustler who had strong man Dell Toledo in love with him — our window to learning that Dell is closeted.
Sadly, Dandy Mott (Finn Wittrock) picked Andy's dance hall as his new hunting ground, hiring Andy and taking him to his deadly hideout.
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The episode also saw Dandy admiring his physique.
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As good as Wittrock looked, Dandy's posing was all about how murder was feeding his ego. Again. Mixed emotions.
NBC's Thursday's night comedies turned out to be a double-feature of beefcake. On Bad Judge, Tedward (Tone Bell) attended a Conan the Barbarian convention and went in costume.
Then on A to Z, Zelda and Stephie represented a "hunky farmer" Frank (Josh Casaubon) fighting an agricultural corporation. Stephie eventually brings Frank home, where he ends up losing his shirt while doing some handyman tasks.
Meanwhile, a couple bits of catchup. Gracepoint hasn't been a beefcake show, until last week. That was when we learned that local reporter Owen (Kevin Zegers) has been romancing Renee, the reporter who has come from out of town to report on the story.
So far, the relationship has continued to this week's episode.
Meanwhile, last week's Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. revealed that even without a way to tell time, Grant (Brett Dalton) has been managing to do a daily workout at the same time every day.
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On Hulu's episodes of Hollyoaks, it was shirtless Danny Mac week. It started with Dodger doing some chores outdoors.
By Tuesday, he put on a shirt but lost it again after deciding to take a shower.
And on Wednesday, Dodger learned that he was the father of Theresa McQueen's baby, just as she was in the hospital giving birth. Knowing how things work in Hollyoaks, baby Myra-Pocahontas immediately spat up on Doger and got him to remove his shirt.
Friday, things started promising with Dodger peacefully sleeping.
Then, Dodger's crazy sister Sienna slipped into bed next to him to try to convince him they had a drunk one-night-stand. Not sharing his sister's... unconventional worldview, he was very disturbed at the suggestion.
That wasn't all the shirtlessness in the past week of Hollyoaks. Monday also saw Mercedes McQueen leave Robbie Roscoe (Charlie Wernham) tied to a pole in his undies, Phoebe's way of seeking a little revenge after learning that Robbie participated in harassing her brother, John-Paul.
Meanwhile, Tony (Nick Pickard)'s affair almost was caught by his fiance Cindy. Sadly, this is one of those situations where everyone is awful. Tony really should have broken the engagement the first time Cindy defended her rapist son.
Meanwhile, on Days of Our Lives it was poor choices hook up week. Both dealing with frustrated romantic lives, Dan (Shawn Christian) almost slept with Kristin before realizing it was a bad idea. (There was still time for Brady find them and watch for a bit, fuming.)
Meanwhile, J.J. made the mistake of having sex with Eve... you know, his girlfriend's mother.
Naturally, that meant hiding from his girlfriend when she unexpectedly returned home.
That all for this week. Do you have a tip for something that should be a part of Your Week in Beefcake? E-mail us at weekinbeefcake@outlook.com and let us know!