Everyone knows that every King needs to have a Royal Court. As the King of Reality, I am taking it into my own hands to crown my reality stars of the week and create the biggest and most diverse kingdom in the world. This is no ordinary kingdom, this is the King of Reality’s Royal Court.
Each week I will give out 5 crowns to five different stars that brought enough energy, drama, humor, and excitement to make the cut. I will also choose one show that was my top program of the week. The only question left to ask is, who will be a part of my kingdom?
How it works:
Evil Queen: Every show needs a villain, I should know, so this crown will be given to my favorite asshole of the week.
Knight in Shining Armor: Who says heartthrob’s can only be Biebers and Efrons. Each week I will crown my reality TV stud of the week.
Jubilant Jester: Every show has the character that provides comic relief. This crown will be given to someone who literally makes me LOL.
King’s Servant: Every King needs an assistant. Each week I will choose a star that I wish was my best friend. Besides, my little Maltese Ella can’t always be right next to me.
Future Royal: Who runs the world? I believe KIDS do. Sorry Beyonce. The same is true for reality TV. Each week I will choose a child on TV that is in my opinion, America’s Next Reality Star.
The Festival of the Week: Everyone has that one show that they watch, where they wish they were part of the cast. The King feels the same way! Each week I will announce my favorite show of the week!
This Week’s Reality Court:
Winner: Teresa Giudice (The Real Housewives of New Jersey)
Honorable Mention: Marlo Hampton (The Real Housewives of Atlanta)
The Real Housewives have done it again. This week Teresa and Marlo each reinvented the definition of the word: delusional. It was a tough choice, but Teresa has received the inaugural Evil Queen crown. I just get a guilty taste in my mouth when I see 4 women going up against one person. Obviously that one person is at fault. Besides, if Kathy Wakile has a problem with you, you must be screwed. She seems like a doll. Marlo is a mess. That is all. One trashy, escorting MESS.
Knight in Shining Armor:
Winner: Victor Smalley (Dance Moms: Miami)
Honorable Mention: Joe Gorga (The Real Housewives of New Jersey)
This was a very tough choice once again. I had to choose Victor because for the first time, I get to watch Dance Mom’s and not see that thing from Pittsburgh barking out orders. Not to mention his interactions with his student Lucas might rival my relationship with Miss Eden Wood. Joe Gorga was a close second because man oh man, did he get into shape. There is no question who the hottest Joe on Housewives is this season. It is like comparing Channing Tatum to the Nutty Professor. Still, my man Victor takes the crown.
Winner: Drita D’Avanzo (Mob Wive
Honorable Mention: Nick Eichler (Eden’s World)
Yes, you are reading this right. I think Drita is hysterical. She really makes me laugh every single time she talks on Mob Wives. This week she may have taken the season cake with her quote about Big Ang’s party being at the Godfather’s house. I also extremely enjoyed Drita’s interaction with Giselle when she was going to get the puppy. I have to give a shout out to my buddy Nick from Indianapolis. I wasn’t kidding when I said for once I had met someone who was willing to go up against Heather and Fran. His antics had me laughing for the entire 22 minutes. Drita steals the crown this week with her aggressive, witty humor.
Winner: The Finalists from RuPaul’s Drag Race
Honorable Mention: Big Ang’s Niece (Mob Wives)
I have a confession, and I hope the viewers of Logo do not judge me or ridicule me — Monday was the first time I have ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race. Yes I know I am an awful gay guy, but keep your comments to yourself. I never thought I would like it, however I loved it. I would love to parade through Chelsea with those 3 queens by my side. As Eden would say, “He sometimes dresses up like a girl… FABULOUS”. My honorable mention is because I had the chance to hang out with Big Ang’s niece at my premier party for Eden’s World. She is a riot and her comment about caviar will go down as one of my favorite reality moments of all time. Still, the Queens win.
Winner: Milania Giudice (Real Housewives of New Jersey)
Honorable Mention: Lucas Triana (Dance Moms: Miami)
4 words people. Milania is a gangster. She is the coolest kid I have ever witnessed on TV. Either she really is that funny, or Andy is doing a great job editing Housewives because her humor is amazing. She loves to put her father down, and anyone that can pick fun at their dad and still get spoiled, gets props from the King. Lucas’ solo this past week on Dance Moms takes the cake for talent of the week, but that’s not what we are crowning here unfortunately. Milania takes it this week.
Festival of the Week:
Winner: The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion (Bravo)
Honorable Mention: Big Rich Texas (Style Network)
I would have loved to be sitting on that couch across from Marlo and told her what is up. I mean come on, if I were to change careers and become an escort, go to prison, and dress up like a bimbo could I be a Real Housewife? The girl is garbage and I would love to tell her how I feel. Not to mention, Kim needs to help me find a wig. This King is balding people. Big Rich Texas just needs a little shake to it. I was thinking I would choose someone and chase him or her out of that country club New Jersey Housewives style. That would be what is up!
Tune in next week for another Royal Court doozie!
Andrew Sullivan is the outspoken publicist on LogoTV’s Eden’s World and the self-proclaimed ‘King of Reality’. He is a weekly contributor to NewNowNext.com with his Royal Court. Follow Andrew on Twitter at @AndrewJamesSull and like his Facebook page (Andrew Sullivan).