Grab Your Passport—We’re Blasting Off to the United States of Chromatica

The fan-run @ChromaticaGov Twitter account is everything.

One hilarious new Twitter account is making Mother Monster proud.

With the release of Lady Gaga’s highly anticipated sixth studio album just four days away, the pop singer’s Little Monsters are anxiously awaiting their maiden voyage to Planet Chromatica. Case in point: the fan-run United States of Chromatica (@ChromaticaGov) Twitter account, which is making the actual United States look like even more of an anti-LGBTQ hellscape.

Just take a gander at some of these “laws”:

The @ChromaticaGov Twitter account—which is not affiliated with Mother Monster, mind you—currently has more than 56,000 followers. The operation isn’t limited to just one Twitter account, either. The Chromatica Records Office (@ChromaticaScri) also released an official constitution complete with Gaga’s Chromatica cabinet.

Don’t worry, her new BFF Ariana Grande is VP, and Dedicated Side B songstress Carly Rae Jepsen is Gaga’s Secretary of State.

Here are some more highlights from the Chromatican constitution:

Iced coffee is sold by the gallon
– Speed walking is mandatory
– Lesbians are the only citizens to operate motor vehicles
– Bottoms are not required to work; granted a paycheck monthly
Poppers are legal and free
– Heterosexuality is legal; fines are expected

We’ll rest easy knowing one thing: Team Logo has secured our citizenship on Chromatica. Phew!

Secure your jockstraps and get ready to launch into space this Friday, May 29, when Chromatica finally drops.

Brooklyn-based writer and editor. Probably drinking iced coffee or getting tattooed.
@_sammanzella