The 85th Academy Awards: Gay to Z

Here are 26 things to keep in mind when watching the gay Super Bowl. 

A is for anxious Anne (Getty Images)

A is for Anxious Anne (Getty Images)

A: Anne Hathaway. She is the best thing about The Dark Knight Rises, the most passionate voice in Les Miserables and the most insufferable winner of the 2013 award season. Yet, she is the only girl to stand up to the devil in Prada.

B: Barbra Streisand. It doesn’t get any gayer than the gayest icon taking the stage to perform the Cats classic, “Memory.”

C: Carpet, Red. It’s not the Oscars without charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. Wait, this isn’t RuPaul’s Drag Race… but it might as well be when Hollywood’s finest charge down the red carpet.

D is for Drinking

D is for all the drinking games

D: Drinking Games. Whether you’re hanging out with friends (see: O) or just hanging by yourself, there’s no reason to have a little fun. Try out a few of these drinking games Sunday night. You know Melissa McCarthy will be doing it.

E: Eye Candy. Among the hunkiest of hunks expected to make an appearance are Ben Affleck, the male Avengers, George Clooney, Bradley Cooper, Jean Dujardin, Jamie Foxx, Hugh Jackman, Eddie Redmayne, Paul Rudd and Aaron Tveit.

F: Full Frontal. Sadly, none of the men expected to appear at this year’s awards have gone full frontal. That’s okay. When the show hits a dull point, watch this supercut of male nudity.

G: Goldfinger. Shirley Bassey and Adele will pay tribute to the hottest spy on the big screen. If only that meant we’d get to see a Speedo-clad Daniel Craig on stage.

H for How to Survive a Plague

H for David France’s How to Survive a Plague

H: How To Survive A Plague. The documentary was listed among the best films of 2012 for its telling of the AIDS epidemic. The film is a powerful reminder to a younger generation of gays that doesn’t always appreciate what the previous generation has overcome.

I: “I Beat Meryl.” Though she’s not nominated this year, the ever-perfect and always beautiful Meryl Streep will present the award for Best Actress. If Jennifer Lawrence takes home the honor, you can only imagine there’ll be retribution for her Golden Globe comment (even if it was a reference to The First Wives Club).

J: Jackman, Hugh. This jack-of-all-trades is nominated for his performance in Les Miserables, which is fitting considering that it’s his singing voice (and abs) that makes all the men croon. And no one should forget his charming turn as Oscar host in 2009.

K for Kushner

K for Lincoln scribe, Kushner

K: Kushner, Tony. The gay screenwriter is nominated for penning Lincoln, which leads the pack with 12 nominations. Of course, Kushner is most famous for the groundbreaking play, Angels In America: A Gay Fantasia On National Themes.

L: Les Miz. It’s one of the gayest films to be nominated. Even bros can’t help but get teary-eyed when listening to “I Dreamed A Dream.” (Also see: A, J and M.)

M: Movie Musicals. After nearly a decade of resurgence, the Academy Awards will honor the genre. Of course that means a little bit of Broadway will crossover with Hollywood when cast members of Chicago, Les Miserables and Dreamgirls take center stage. The only thing butching it up will be Russell Crowe.

N: Neil Patrick Harris. It’s not the gay Super Bowl without this fella, right? Sadly true. He’s not even presenting the movie musical tribute. Yet, he will surely live-tweet the event like he does everything else.

O: Oscar Party. The only thing better than watching the Oscars, is watching with a group of your friends. The straight boys had their fun at the beginning of the month, now it’s the gays’ turn. Only this time, instead of beer there will be cocktails and flying zingers instead of chicken wings.

P for Mitch the gay jock in Paranorman

P for ParaNorman’s Mitch, the gay jock

P: ParaNorman. The movie is considered the first animated film to introduce a gay, lead character. The surprise reveal came towards the end of the film — proving sexuality is just another layer and not a sole identifier. Credit for the inclusion goes to out screenwriter and director Chris Butler.

Q: Queens. Pick your favorite to watch: Adele, Queen Latifah, Joan Rivers, Meryl Streep, Barbra Streisand or John Travolta.

R: Razzies. For every Oscar there is a Razzie. The only overlap this year is Streisand who is nominated for Guilt Trip. Sadly, Jessica Chastain’s Mama was released too late to be considered for this year’s awards.

S: Seven. Only seven actors have been awarded for playing gay characters. (William Hurt, Tom Hanks, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Sean Penn and Christopher Plummer. Meanwhile, Hillary Swank was honored for portraying a transgender man.) This year, not a single gay character was nominated unless you count Lincoln. While his sexuality has been debated, it was barely addressed in Spielberg’s take.

T for Paranorman's director

T for Three, the number of out directors

T: Three. Chris Butler (ParaNorman), David France (How To Survive A Plague) and Tony Kushner (Lincoln) are the only three out filmmakers nominated in the major categories. Each nominee represents significant advances in LGBT recognition on Oscar night. (See: F, K and P.)

U: Underrated. Several LGBT-themed (and inclusive) films deserving of the Academy’s recognition couldn’t get beyond the critics circle. Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Keep The Lights On, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and Your Sister’s Sister were all overlooked. With more high-caliber gay films being released, it’s time these films get more notice on Oscar night.

Anderson Cooper and Ben Maisani at Vanity Fair Oscar Party -- Getty Images

V for Vanity Fair’s party where A-list Gays Anderson Cooper and Ben Maisani hang (Getty Images)

V: Vanity Fair. Nothing says Oscars like the magazine’s after-party. Let’s hope there will be another photo booth to capture adorable moments of our favorite couples, such as Anderson Cooper and Ben Maisani or Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka.

W: “Wittiest, Bitchiest Pal.” The gay producing team, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, promise that this year’s ceremony “will be as entertaining as your wittiest, bitchiest pal.” What exactly does that mean? (See: B, G, J, M and Z.)

X: X-Rated. Midnight Cowboy is still the only x-rated film to take home Best Picture. (And probably the gayest to win top prize.) The film stars Jon Voight in a story about a male prostitute who attempts to service both female and male clients. It’s unlikely we’ll ever see anything like this get nominated unless James Franco’s Interior. Leather Bar woos voters.

Y: Youth. Quvenzhané Wallis (age 9) surprised many when she became the youngest female nominated for Best Actress. Wallis could be the cutest, shortest thing to give an acceptance speech. Her nomination puts her in the ranks of Tatum O’Neal who took home Best Supporting Actress at the age of 10 and Anna Paquin who took it home the same award when she was 11 years old.

 Z: Zellweger, Rene. The ultimate beard is performing a song and dance routine. No word on who will make an appearance as her fraudulent companion.

Stacy Lambe covers pop culture, celeb and queer news. One time he texted Hillary Clinton. You can follow his work at ImWithKanye or tweet at him here.

Related:
Anne Hathaway’s Awful Acceptance Speeches: An Annoying Look Back
Willam’s Take on the 85th Annual Academy Awards
Shangela Gives Us Her Oscar Predictions
Jennifer Lawrence & the Problem with Female Oscar Roles